Your mother asks you to do something when you are busy.
Your father corrects you about a decision you have made.
You feel misunderstood, frustrated or annoyed.
Before you realise it, you are shouting, answering rudely or saying something hurtful.
Later, you may regret your words. But the pain they caused may remain.
As young Muslims, we must understand that respecting our parents is not only about buying them gifts or helping them financially. It also includes how we speak to them.
Allah says:
“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them even ‘uff,’ nor scold them, but speak to them graciously.
> Qur’an 17:23 — translation of the meaning.
RESPECT BEGINS WITH YOUR WORDS
Notice how Allah commands us not even to express irritation through the word “uff,” let alone insult or shout at our parents.
This does not mean you will never feel frustrated.
You may disagree with their decisions. You may feel they do not understand your challenges. You may need to explain your feelings or ask them to reconsider something.
But disagreement does not give you permission to be disrespectful.
You can explain your position without insulting them.
You can express your feelings without shouting.
You can ask for understanding without humiliating them.
WHAT IF YOU FEEL ANGRY?
When you feel your anger rising, try these steps:
Pause before responding.
Lower your voice, even if the conversation is difficult.
If necessary, ask politely to continue the discussion when everyone is calmer.
Explain your feelings respectfully instead of attacking their character.
If you have spoken harshly, apologise sincerely.
Remember that being respectful does not mean you must pretend that every situation is easy. If you are facing a serious problem at home, seek help from a trustworthy adult or knowledgeable person while maintaining good manners as much as possible.
MAKE YOUR PARENTS PART OF YOUR DU’A
Allah also teaches us to pray:
“My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small.”
>Qur’an 17:24 — translation of the meaning.
Your parents will not always be around. The time you have with them is a blessing, even if your relationship is sometimes challenging.
Do not wait until you lose the opportunity to wish you had spoken more gently.
Help them when you can. Listen when they speak. Thank them for their efforts. Make du’a for them.
HEART CHECK
When you make a mistake, be humble enough to apologise.
You can be right about an issue and still be wrong in the way you speak.
May Allah make us dutiful children, soften our hearts towards our parents and grant mercy to our parents, living and deceased. Ameen.
3SIXTYISLAM
At 3SixtyIslam, we believe Islamic knowledge should reach every generation. From Hajj and Umrah guidance to practical Islamic lessons for everyday life, our goal is to help Muslims learn, grow and strengthen their connection with Islam.
Follow 3SixtyIslam for more Islamic knowledge, guidance and inspiring stories for the whole family.
