Marriage is more than finding someone you are attracted to.
It is more than having chemistry.
It is more than finding someone who makes you law.
A spouse becomes someone with whom you may share your home, responsibilities, difficulties, finances, family life and journey towards Allah.
So what should a Muslim look for?
LOOK AT THEIR DEEN AND CHARACTER
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“If there comes to you one whose religion and character you are pleased with, then marry him.” (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1085)
This does not mean you should expect perfection.
Everyone has weaknesses.
But look at the person’s relationship with Allah and the way they treat people.
Are they honest?
Are they respectful?
Do they take responsibility?
How do they behave when they are angry?
How do they treat people who cannot benefit them?
How do they handle disagreement?
These things matter.
DON’T ONLY LOOK AT WHAT THEY SAY
Anyone can say:
“I love you.”
“I will always respect you.
“I will change.”
But character is seen through patterns of behaviour.
Pay attention to how the person treats parents, workers, friends, strangers and people they disagree with.
A person who is kind only when everything goes their way may behave very differently when marriage becomes difficult.
CONSIDER COMPATIBILITY TOO
Shared values matter.
Discuss important expectations before marriage.
Finances.
Family responsibilities.
Children.
Work.
Education.
Where you may live.
Religious practice.
Communication.
Boundaries.
Marriage should not be entered with the assumption that every serious disagreement will magically afterward.
FOR GUIDANCE
Make istikharah.
Seek advice from trustworthy, wise people.
Ask questions.
Take your time to know the person’s character within appropriate Islamic boundaries.
And remember that you are not only choosing a spouse.
You are also preparing to become someone’s spouse.
So while asking, “What kind of person do I want?” also ask:
“What kind of person am I becoming?”
HEART CHECK
If character and appearance were separated, what qualities would matter most to you in the person you hope to marry?
3SIXTYISLAM
At 3SixtyIslam, we believe Islamic knowledge should reach every generation. From Hajj and Umrah guidance to practical Islamic lessons for everyday life, our goal is to help Muslims learn, grow and strengthen their connection with Islam.
Follow 3SixtyIslam for more Islamic knowledge, guidance and inspiring stories for the whole family.
